A Rewrite! Prepare for Fits & Giggles!
by Liana Soul
Summary: Welcome to 2020, the year of Snow-White's shocking death; Wait, whats this? She's alive? Whats going? And why is this weird guy asking her to marry him? Join Snow-White and the Prince and the fun as they try to figure out just whats going on.


A Modernized Retelling of Snow-White: by Liana Soul

P.O.V _ Snow-White: When She Gets Out Of The Coffin.

"Are you insane?" Those were the first incredulous words out of my mouth. "Just why would I go waltzing of into the sunset with somebody I just met?" The guy blinked in confusion at me, his mouth a small "O".

"What do you mean, 'Am I insane?' woman? I'm saved you, blast it! That's why I asked you to marry me-!" Obviously caught of guard, the guy -what was his name anyway? - blabbered on about how he absolutely LOVED me.

Ugh. I think he's just another creep falling head over heels in love with my fame. I mean, seriously! How does a man fall in love with a woman who lies in a coma? I wonder if he even knows my name… I decide to end the poor unsuspecting idiot's monologue about how he loved me.

"Shut up for a moment and listen, and you might learn something." The guy let out a choked noise that sounded an awful lot like a strangled cat. I didn't bother to hide my grin at his horrified expression.

I slip the remainder of the way out of the bullet-proof glass coffin and gently landed on the street. I calmly brushed my clothes, taking stock in what the morgue had dressed me in when I had supposedly "died".

A soft looking white long-sleeved shirt hugged me underneath a leather wrap-around, and a long pair of ebony dress pants went down to my ankles. My beloved Ruby and Black opal choker was right around my neck and similar bracelets were around my ankles. I wasn't wearing any shoes, though. Oh dear. I winced as my tender feet hit the dirt street, and then decided to talk before the jerk got to talking again.

"Okay, see here, buster, there are plenty of reasons why I definitely do not want to marry you. Numero uno, I don't even know your name. I doubt that you even know mine. Next on the list, who the heck are you?" The guy stares at me, obviously expecting me to continue, and when I only gesture at him to answer with a flapping motion of my hands, his face flushes with embarrassment.

"Oh! Well, you're the heir to that fashion line, Coco Chanel, right? You're Snow-White! I mean, everyone knows you! Who wouldn't love you?" Noticing he hadn't said his name, the guy hurriedly added, in a proud tone, "I'm Luke. I'm the son of the man who owns Starbucks!"

I choked on air. This was the kid of the man who had created the crappuccino? This meant he was going to inherit Starbucks... Damn. I hadn't seen that one coming. I gritted my teeth before answering.

"How… _Lovely_." Luke missed the sarcasm in my voice, (don't know how he did that, kid must be pretty thick) and nodded proudly, causing his fluffy dark brown hair to flop over his gray (or were they silver?) puppy eyes. He gives me a hopeful look. I give him a nasty stink eye. He flinched like a puppy.

"Listen here. I will NEVER marry you. Marry the brat of Starbucks! I wish I was still in a coma..." I turned and stomped away, something I rather regret, because my bare feet came down upon some pointy rocks. "OWWWW!" I stumbled backwards and found myself falling to Luke's arms. I stared up at him in a mix of shock and disbelief, but he gave me a roguish smirk that made me blush.

"Hi again."

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><p>P.O.V _ Luke: After He Catches Snow-White<p>

"I'm a brat?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Because your going to inherit Starbucks!"

"Wha...? Does that mean you got something against coffee?"

"No! It means I got something against you!"

"I'm not following..."

That was the conversation that tended to keep repeating. Snowy, (I had decided to call her that because it pissed her off) wouldn't tell me exactly why she hated me. She was with out a doubt beautiful, and incredibly ANNOYING, to boot. She had a wit that could burn heaven and a glare that could freeze hell, and she knew how to use them pretty damn well. Not to mention she wouldn't slow_ down._

For over an hour we had been walking from the hearse car that had carried her when she had supposedly been dead. Most of the time, I had been explaining to her how I had happened upon it, before we had gotten stuck in the loop conversation.

* * *

><p><em>"It had looked like someone had tried to raid the car, but couldn't break your coffin to get at your jewelry. While doing so, it seems they some how..." Snowy had glared at me dangerously.<em>

_"Some how what?" I struggled not to laugh. _Meeeoooowww_. Someone has a temper._

_"Weeell, it seems that they shook you to life. Your lucky that the coffin unlocks on the inside, otherwise you would really be dead, by suffocation. The driver was gone by the time I arrived, along with anyone else who had possibly been there." Snowy gave vent to a loud, angry, sound._

_"They just left me?" She sounded outraged at the very thought. I shrugged._

_"Seems so."_ _She gives me another glare before stomping off in a huff, as if its my fault she had been left for, well, DEAD. I followed with a grin._

_"Sooo... how am I a brat?"_

* * *

><p>"Tum ta da de dum, rum a tum tum..." I hummed happily while Snowy stalked regally ahead. "Do da do da, camptown races five miles long, oh do da day..." The fierce woman ahead of me suddenly whirled and hissed at me like a wild cat.<p>

"Will you stop that infernal racket? I can't even hear myself think!" She gave me an evil glare but I was now immune to them. I gave her the best smirk I could possibly make.

"NOPE." She reeled back as if she had been slapped.

"Ugh! You..! Oh, I hate you!" She turned and in a huff of anger and whirling black hair, stalked away muttering underneath her breath all the while. I can swear that I heard quite a few words that surely shouldn't be slipping from the mouth of a young lady. I snickered.

I wonder why I had requested her to marry me. Not the smartest thing I've ever done. Though the donut incident last summer was pretty close… Still, that had been really random of me. Heh, maybe if she comes to like me she'll be like that shrew form Shakespeare's play, whatever its called.

Either way, this was going to be FUN.

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><p><strong>Liana: Well, this IS going to be fun. :3 BTW, I originally wrote this for English class! :D Yay for awesome teachers like Mr. Whitten, who gives you a bunch of points for being a wacky writer! <strong>

**X3 All will be explained in the next chapter! ;3 Until then, fair well!**


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